Just Follow the Directions...wait, what??

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Wheat Chaff (a short story)

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Mankind is dying. Unless an answer can be found for this bipedal species, extinction is certain. Some would say (the Earth included) good riddance. But only some. The rest probably wouldn’t notice, or even have an opinion on the matter. Be that as it may, mankind is unwilling to relinquish their dictatorship on the world and because of this have found themselves on the brink, working feverishly at coming up with The Answer. For you see, extinction was not looming due to pollution (although there was plenty of har mful stuff laying about); not because of a meteor of mass-extinction proportions was barreling down on us (we should be so lucky) and certainly not because of alien overlords (because really if that were to actually happen we would end up like those ant farms you see. Every kid wants one, and when they get it they simply forget about it after a week and half. Some would argue we have already been taken over and forgotten by alien overlords....
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Safety is First at Generic Corp.!

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Location: Generic Corp. Issue: Fire Safety. “There is no substitute for Safety!” barks many posters around the workplace. I am here to tell you there is a substitute. It is called Broken is the NEW Fixed! During several audits at Generic Corp. it was determined that the company was sorely lacking in some fundamental fire safety areas. Let us begin with an email (the first of many) dated September 18, 2009. This email made it clear to the Safety and Maintenance teams that a fire extinguisher had been used and needed recharging by our external fire protection service, a company called Blazing Safety (or B.S. for short). The next email, on 9/29/09 stated that the extinguisher had not been recharged as of yet. In this same email, it mentions a second serious issue (some of the 20 plus extinguishers were missing their monthly certification tags). By law extinguishers are to be inspected monthly internally and initialled each month as evidence. Once a year an external company is to ...
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Jack Van Imp(e)

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Mesmerizing the masses one soul at a time, simultaneously fooling no one of import. I just love how the word 'IMP' is in his last name. "The imp was a small lesser demon. It should also be noted that demons in Germanic legends were not necessarily always evil. Imps were often mischievous rather than evil or harmful. Imps are often shown as small and not very attractive creatures. Their behavior is described as being wild and uncontrollable." I salute you, man with the hair-like cowl and forked tongue. Keep the entertainment coming!
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