Showing posts from February, 2010

God - Quotes by Beeno Kevorkian

"I have a suspicion that God sent me to earth
so I would stop pestering him with why's.
It would seem Upper Management
was not amused."

- Beeno Kevorkian

Steven Seagal: Melodrama-man (or the Show Where Nothing Happens)

Airing on A&E, Steven Seagal: Lawman is a comedy of the highest form. Excuse me for a sec…(puts down pen)

Are you sure?

Okay sorry about that. It would seem that Lawman is NOT a comedy but a reality show.

This ‘reality’ show (read: fake) follows Seagal and his work with the Jefferson Parish Sheriff’s Office in New Orleans. He’s been at it for about fifteen years now. The show is supposed to be COPS.

COPS it ain’t. It actually comes across more like CHIPS.

The show is simply unbelievable and yet riveting in its crappiness. Seagal runs around the show (and the viewer gets the impression from the other cops that Seagal’s deputization has worn out its welcome), trying to push the drama into something exciting. The action isn’t all that exciting to begin with, so the added push (read: desperate invention) makes this show the best feel-good comedy of the year.

Here are just a few examples of his talent:

1) After being called to a house where some lowlife has apparently broken into.…

Open the Blast Doors!

Okay, I found this hilarious picture over at

But I have to say this is all wrong! Thanks to a blood relative, the verbiage should be this:

Life - Quotes by Beeno Kevorkian

"Life is a Waste of Time."

- Beeno Kevorkian

Yoda and Ben Tiff

Yoda and Ghost Ben's relationship becomes a little strained:

or watch a larger version here:

Dances With Avatar

Avatar is the worst piece of shit. James Cameron now replaces Joel Schumacher and Adolf Hitler as History's greatest monster.

I was going to start off by providing a Spoiler Alert Warning - however, there is nothing to spoil here. Even though I will be giving away major plot points, you won’t be let down when you see the movie. Trust me.

Seriously, it looks beautiful and the acting is superb. But Jaysus, there is no originality to the story at all. Basically it is the story of fucking Pocahontas meets Dances with Wolves. The whole debacle was one predictable thing after another. And it took 15 years to write?

Oh look, the human dude, who has just uploaded himself into this blue alien, meets this 'savage' who happens to be female.

And of course they hate each other.
And of course they fall in love.
And of course she was already betrothed to one of her own.
And of course the human dude, now in alien form, has been sent to gather information.
And of course she’s angry when she…

Hatred - Quotes by Beeno Kevorkian

“I have hatred on my plate and I’m itchin’
for a food fight.”

- Beeno Kevorkian

The Inspiring (true!) Story behind Broken is the NEW Fixed!

I once worked at Generic Corp. where we did warehousing. Having several warehouses across North America, one day I found myself transferred to the armpit of the company because of a merger. It was this place where I learned that Broken is the NEW Fixed.

Take for instance the main bathroom. The pull-down cloth towel dispenser (you know, the blue ones) did not work properly. Every time you pulled on it for more towel, it would just gather on the floor and not gather inside the box like it’s supposed to. The toilet paper dispenser, one of those large industrial size ones that hold two wheel-size rolls, had confinement issues as it would never close and the front piece would just swing there - and not do its job of actually holding the toilet paper in. So the toilet paper roll was often found on the floor or standing precariously on top of the holder. The handle on the toilet would remain in the down position - making the water continuously run if you didn’t pull the handle back dow…



Good Grief!