Training Day: How to Burn Money
You would think that Generic Corp was in the business of wasting money, not making it.
Recently I had the opportunity to travel out of town to give a group training session on Vertical Safety at our sister corporation Catch-22 Inc. The trials and tribulations of this story begins with the first question - they didn’t have anyone who worked there to do this training? Answer: No. No one certified that is. Vertical Safety is a highly-sought-after specialized field.
The first thing Catch-22 Inc. had to do was compile a list of how many employees were going to need this Vertical Safety training. I was told that I would find out through email. Upwards to about 25 employees. Because of the large amount of people, it was decided to break the training up into 2 days. The Day shift employees would be trained on a Saturday and the Afternoon Shift on the Sunday.
Two weeks before the class I got confirmation of the first group. Something like 15 people with a promise that the second list would be arriving soon. It never came. During this correspondence I made it quite clear that I would be needing a DVD and TV in order to watch some Vertical Safety Training videos (one of which I made myself).
A week before leaving, someone at Catch-22 Inc. wanted to know if I really needed all that time? Couldn’t I just sign their permits and mail them? I could, but government regulation calls for about 6 hours class time including a written test and practical test. Hmm, let me think about it…um…no.
The next thing you know, the entire class of 21 was moved to Saturday only (due to some inventory count going on the following day).
Now let’s watch how fast the money begins to burn. I left work early to pick up the car rental and drove the four hours and arrived in the town. I thought it prudent that I stop in at Catch-22 Inc. to introduce myself and just to make sure everything was ready for the next day.
Before leaving to check in at the hotel down the road, I inquired about the DVD and TV player.
I thought I had slipped into my fourth language, Swahili, for a moment by the confused looks I received.
“Oh? You need a TV and DVD player?” As though they were just learning about this.
Sigh. “Okay, I’ll leave this with you guys to arrange for the morning.” I guess two weeks wasn’t enough preparation.
8:30 am Saturday morning. Sorry, no DVD player,
Although Vertical Safety is a specialized field, the teaching of it is quite dull. There is a lot of government regulation to cover, and just about everyone in the room has years of Vertical Safety experience to begin with. My intention was to break up the monotony of the class by splitting up the 3 video’s throughout the day.
“We do have some flat screen monitors on the shop floor we could use.” Well, it would work, but everyone would have to stand around, craning their neck up at the monitor.
An employee offered to run home and get his portable DVD player. Back he returns. An 8-inch monitor. It’ll do, barely. I would prefer to watch the videos in the class, instead of standing out on the floor. Okay, let’s try it. Oh look, there’s no sound, because it has no speakers. It is meant for headphones.
Okay then, not to be beat, let’s use the patch-cords to hook it up to the shop floor monitors.
What do you mean you didn’t bring the patch cords? Sigh.
So one of the supervisors of Catch-22 Inc. slips out to get some. An hour goes by and finally he returns. I continued with the class during his absence, and alas, we had to watch all three videos at the very end - you know the point when everyone is just itching to get out of there? Most of us standing, others sitting on the floor. One of the employees actually had to stand below the monitor and hold the portable DVD player because the cords wouldn't a) reach and b) they kept slipping out.
Seriously Generic Corp.,
if you need to burn money, just give it to me. I’m fairly certain it could go to some better causes like prostitution or smack. At least that would be more enjoyable.
Recently I had the opportunity to travel out of town to give a group training session on Vertical Safety at our sister corporation Catch-22 Inc. The trials and tribulations of this story begins with the first question - they didn’t have anyone who worked there to do this training? Answer: No. No one certified that is. Vertical Safety is a highly-sought-after specialized field.
The first thing Catch-22 Inc. had to do was compile a list of how many employees were going to need this Vertical Safety training. I was told that I would find out through email. Upwards to about 25 employees. Because of the large amount of people, it was decided to break the training up into 2 days. The Day shift employees would be trained on a Saturday and the Afternoon Shift on the Sunday.
Two weeks before the class I got confirmation of the first group. Something like 15 people with a promise that the second list would be arriving soon. It never came. During this correspondence I made it quite clear that I would be needing a DVD and TV in order to watch some Vertical Safety Training videos (one of which I made myself).
A week before leaving, someone at Catch-22 Inc. wanted to know if I really needed all that time? Couldn’t I just sign their permits and mail them? I could, but government regulation calls for about 6 hours class time including a written test and practical test. Hmm, let me think about it…um…no.
The next thing you know, the entire class of 21 was moved to Saturday only (due to some inventory count going on the following day).
Before leaving to check in at the hotel down the road, I inquired about the DVD and TV player.
I thought I had slipped into my fourth language, Swahili, for a moment by the confused looks I received.
“Oh? You need a TV and DVD player?” As though they were just learning about this.
Sigh. “Okay, I’ll leave this with you guys to arrange for the morning.” I guess two weeks wasn’t enough preparation.
8:30 am Saturday morning. Sorry, no DVD player,
Although Vertical Safety is a specialized field, the teaching of it is quite dull. There is a lot of government regulation to cover, and just about everyone in the room has years of Vertical Safety experience to begin with. My intention was to break up the monotony of the class by splitting up the 3 video’s throughout the day.
“We do have some flat screen monitors on the shop floor we could use.” Well, it would work, but everyone would have to stand around, craning their neck up at the monitor.
An employee offered to run home and get his portable DVD player. Back he returns. An 8-inch monitor. It’ll do, barely. I would prefer to watch the videos in the class, instead of standing out on the floor. Okay, let’s try it. Oh look, there’s no sound, because it has no speakers. It is meant for headphones.
Okay then, not to be beat, let’s use the patch-cords to hook it up to the shop floor monitors.
What do you mean you didn’t bring the patch cords? Sigh.
So one of the supervisors of Catch-22 Inc. slips out to get some. An hour goes by and finally he returns. I continued with the class during his absence, and alas, we had to watch all three videos at the very end - you know the point when everyone is just itching to get out of there? Most of us standing, others sitting on the floor. One of the employees actually had to stand below the monitor and hold the portable DVD player because the cords wouldn't a) reach and b) they kept slipping out.
Seriously Generic Corp.,
if you need to burn money, just give it to me. I’m fairly certain it could go to some better causes like prostitution or smack. At least that would be more enjoyable.
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I have a certified money-burning furnace. Generic Corp. and Catch-22 Inc. can transport their money to my facilities any time, day or night. Clearly, they don't want the money.
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