Safety is First at Generic Corp.!
Location: Generic Corp. Issue: Fire Safety.
“There
is no substitute for Safety!” barks many posters around the workplace. I am here to tell you there is a substitute. It is called Broken is the NEW Fixed!
During several audits at Generic Corp. it was determined that the company was sorely lacking in some fundamental fire safety areas. Let us begin with an email (the first of many) dated September 18, 2009. This email made it clear to the Safety and Maintenance teams that a fire extinguisher had been used and needed recharging by our external fire protection service, a company called Blazing Safety (or B.S. for short).
The next email, on 9/29/09 stated that the extinguisher had not been recharged as of yet. In this same email, it mentions a second serious issue (some of the 20 plus extinguishers were missing their monthly certification tags). By law extinguishers are to be inspected monthly internally and initialled each month as evidence. Once a year an external company is to certify all units (which is done by Blazing Safety) (or B.S. for short).
Flash forward. - October 4, 2009 - The extra tags have been requested, but they are not in yet.
10/20/09 - Progress! All tags are now in place! Thank you Blazing Safety (or B.S. for short)! Oh yes, by the way, the initial issue - that fire extinguisher - has still not been charged.
November 16, 2009 - The extinguisher has still not been returned.
December 4, 2009 - the missing fire extinguisher lives up to its clever name. The unit itself has been extinguished. In other words there is official confirmation through the Maintenance Department and our good friends at Blazing Safety (or B.S. for short) that the unit in question is now Missing in Action (or B.S. for short).
Please, dear reader, don’t lose heart. Before the new year, the unit was replaced because “There is no substitute for Safety!
Thank goodness we didn’t have an audit!
February 10, 2010 - Generic Corp has an internal audit for standardization compliance. It was discovered that although Blazing Safety (or B.S. for short) conducted their yearly inspection, they decided that there is a substitution for safety and didn’t put their usual certifying mark on any of the extinguishers. Blazing Safety (or B.S. for short) is immediately called about the oversight.
Seven days later - Blazing Safety (or B.S. for short) returns to mark all the units tha
t indeed the inspection was completed. Oh and by the way, they couldn’t find all the units. An ambitious young man from Generic Corp. had actually took the time months in advance to map out the entire facility and the exact location of each unit on said map. This was not offered to Blazing Safety (or B.S. for short) when it was discovered they couldn’t find all the units.
In order to be compliant this ambitious young man actually went out into the warehouse to take a picture of the certification mark in order to send to the auditors to show that this item could now be closed off. As it turns out, Blazing Safety (or B.S. for short) initialled the space where Generic Corp does their monthly initials. In other words, they put their initials in the space where we initial. No one, not even Generic Corp. would be able distinguish between the internal check or the external one.
And so this sparked a whole new set of conversations. It was then clearly defined by said ambitious young man that “all fire extinguishers need an outside certification mark ON the unit to show that they have been certified (it should be noted that the internal checklist tag is located next to the unit, and completely separate). A sticker would be ideal that has Blazing Safety (or B.S. for short)’s company name and phone number on it, along with a date and initials. Maintenance was quick to direct Blazing Safety (or B.S. for short) in our needs. Blazing Safety (or B.S. for short)’s son’s soccer coach was going to have a stamp made and they would come in and stamp all the units. Not a bad idea, except the area in which the stamp would go is smaller than your pinky fingernail.
Another week goes by (where does the time go? It seems like it was just September when this all began). Another meeting. Another discussion. Consensus: The stamp would not be good enough. We want a sticker and it has to be ON the unit.
March 4, 2010 - oh glorious day! Email arrives. Blazing Safety (or B.S. for short), has finished retagging all the fire extinguishers.
March 5, 2010 - Wait a second. Retagged??? The ambitious young man (read: naive) decides to check and see what this new development is.
Oh, Blazing Safety (or B.S. for short) has removed the internal monthly inspection tag (thus removing our evidence that we have been compliant) and put their own tag on stating it has been certified.
This ambitious young man quite expectedly spontaneously combusts and was in dire need of a fire extinguisher at that moment. He could only hope it was in proper working order.
Maintenance was on the phone again with Blazing Safety (or B.S. for short). At this point Blazing Safety (or B.S. for short) begins to rummage through their garbage for the missing internal tags.
2pm, same day - another meeting. The tags were found and Blazing Safety (or B.S. for short) will try to bring them by today.
3/8/10 - still waiting for the tags to arrive. After discussing the matter with Maintenance (read: yelling at), Maintenance suggested that we should be more tolerant with this company. A.Y.M. (ambitious young man) says we are beyond tolerant. Maintenance explains that Blazing Safety (or B.S. for short) is a little irritated by all of this and they are located about 40 minutes away from Generic Corp. which makes our Safety a little more difficult.
Stay tuned to this Blog, same place, same time to see what happens next! Will A.Y.M. defeat the mighty and evil B.S.? Or will this finally be the end of A.Y.M.?
Welcome to Broken is the NEW Fixed!
“There
is no substitute for Safety!” barks many posters around the workplace. I am here to tell you there is a substitute. It is called Broken is the NEW Fixed!During several audits at Generic Corp. it was determined that the company was sorely lacking in some fundamental fire safety areas. Let us begin with an email (the first of many) dated September 18, 2009. This email made it clear to the Safety and Maintenance teams that a fire extinguisher had been used and needed recharging by our external fire protection service, a company called Blazing Safety (or B.S. for short).
The next email, on 9/29/09 stated that the extinguisher had not been recharged as of yet. In this same email, it mentions a second serious issue (some of the 20 plus extinguishers were missing their monthly certification tags). By law extinguishers are to be inspected monthly internally and initialled each month as evidence. Once a year an external company is to certify all units (which is done by Blazing Safety) (or B.S. for short).
Flash forward. - October 4, 2009 - The extra tags have been requested, but they are not in yet.
10/20/09 - Progress! All tags are now in place! Thank you Blazing Safety (or B.S. for short)! Oh yes, by the way, the initial issue - that fire extinguisher - has still not been charged.
November 16, 2009 - The extinguisher has still not been returned.
December 4, 2009 - the missing fire extinguisher lives up to its clever name. The unit itself has been extinguished. In other words there is official confirmation through the Maintenance Department and our good friends at Blazing Safety (or B.S. for short) that the unit in question is now Missing in Action (or B.S. for short).
Please, dear reader, don’t lose heart. Before the new year, the unit was replaced because “There is no substitute for Safety!
Thank goodness we didn’t have an audit!
February 10, 2010 - Generic Corp has an internal audit for standardization compliance. It was discovered that although Blazing Safety (or B.S. for short) conducted their yearly inspection, they decided that there is a substitution for safety and didn’t put their usual certifying mark on any of the extinguishers. Blazing Safety (or B.S. for short) is immediately called about the oversight.
Seven days later - Blazing Safety (or B.S. for short) returns to mark all the units tha
t indeed the inspection was completed. Oh and by the way, they couldn’t find all the units. An ambitious young man from Generic Corp. had actually took the time months in advance to map out the entire facility and the exact location of each unit on said map. This was not offered to Blazing Safety (or B.S. for short) when it was discovered they couldn’t find all the units.In order to be compliant this ambitious young man actually went out into the warehouse to take a picture of the certification mark in order to send to the auditors to show that this item could now be closed off. As it turns out, Blazing Safety (or B.S. for short) initialled the space where Generic Corp does their monthly initials. In other words, they put their initials in the space where we initial. No one, not even Generic Corp. would be able distinguish between the internal check or the external one.
And so this sparked a whole new set of conversations. It was then clearly defined by said ambitious young man that “all fire extinguishers need an outside certification mark ON the unit to show that they have been certified (it should be noted that the internal checklist tag is located next to the unit, and completely separate). A sticker would be ideal that has Blazing Safety (or B.S. for short)’s company name and phone number on it, along with a date and initials. Maintenance was quick to direct Blazing Safety (or B.S. for short) in our needs. Blazing Safety (or B.S. for short)’s son’s soccer coach was going to have a stamp made and they would come in and stamp all the units. Not a bad idea, except the area in which the stamp would go is smaller than your pinky fingernail.
Another week goes by (where does the time go? It seems like it was just September when this all began). Another meeting. Another discussion. Consensus: The stamp would not be good enough. We want a sticker and it has to be ON the unit.
March 4, 2010 - oh glorious day! Email arrives. Blazing Safety (or B.S. for short), has finished retagging all the fire extinguishers.
March 5, 2010 - Wait a second. Retagged??? The ambitious young man (read: naive) decides to check and see what this new development is.
Oh, Blazing Safety (or B.S. for short) has removed the internal monthly inspection tag (thus removing our evidence that we have been compliant) and put their own tag on stating it has been certified.
This ambitious young man quite expectedly spontaneously combusts and was in dire need of a fire extinguisher at that moment. He could only hope it was in proper working order.
Maintenance was on the phone again with Blazing Safety (or B.S. for short). At this point Blazing Safety (or B.S. for short) begins to rummage through their garbage for the missing internal tags.
2pm, same day - another meeting. The tags were found and Blazing Safety (or B.S. for short) will try to bring them by today.
3/8/10 - still waiting for the tags to arrive. After discussing the matter with Maintenance (read: yelling at), Maintenance suggested that we should be more tolerant with this company. A.Y.M. (ambitious young man) says we are beyond tolerant. Maintenance explains that Blazing Safety (or B.S. for short) is a little irritated by all of this and they are located about 40 minutes away from Generic Corp. which makes our Safety a little more difficult.
Stay tuned to this Blog, same place, same time to see what happens next! Will A.Y.M. defeat the mighty and evil B.S.? Or will this finally be the end of A.Y.M.?
Welcome to Broken is the NEW Fixed!
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Incompetence is the new euthanasia. My fucking gawd! Every person employed by BS should be rounded up, have a hose jammed down their throat and filled with fire retardant foam until they explode. This is preposterous!
ReplyDeleteWhat I love is the asshole who has to say to you, "Uh, BS is getting a little irritated . . ."
ReplyDeleteTHEN DO THE FUCKING JOB RIGHT THE FUCKING FIRST TIME YOU MOTHERFUCKING DIPSHIT DEGENERATE ASSHOLE!
"But, you know, BS is getting a little irritated about all of this back and forth."
THEN THEY SHOULDN'T BE SUCH A SEPTIC TANK FULL OF ONE-CELLED AMOEBAS!
"You know, BS is getting a little irritated about all of the calls and requests . . ."
BRING ME THEIR HEADS!!! BRING ME THEIR MAMAS' HEADS! BRING ME THEIR CHILDREN'S HEADS! I WANT HEADS! I WANT BODILESS HEADS!!!! BRING! NOW! HEADS!!!
wow.
ReplyDeleteI sure am glad there weren't any fires during this time. Especially in the department where the "ambitious young man" works. Blazing Safety (or B.S. for short) would never hear the end of it!