Telemarketers

Telemarketers. I love them. But then again who doesn’t? I especially love when their computer auto-dialer switch to the next available telemarketer (read: soulless bastard) - and there is that indistinguishable delayed response. The tell-tale sign of a busy telemarketer (read: soulless bastard). I love it when I have to say “hello” twice before they say “hello?”, and then of course I have to say “hello” a third time.

I gotta tell you, I just find that so effective on their part. I am certain most people on this planet (read: soulless bastards) are very patient with this and NEVER hang up.

And the use of this predictive dialing absolutely compels me to purchase whatever it is they are peddling on this day. And I trust these companies have done all of their market research and that one day I will use that carpet steamer I bought. Just because I have hardwood floors throughout my entire loft doesn’t mean I’ll never need it!

Consider how perfect their logic is, how completely unflawed it truly is. I always start getting these phone calls after recent large purchases. Say a car, or a house, or some furniture. I have just put down thousands of dollars and they choose this time to call me saying I need something else. What timing!

As you can tell I got one of these phone calls today and I immediately bought what I simply could not do without: a life’s time supply of sarcasm. Thank you soulless bastards (read: telemarketers)!

Recently I read that just hanging up of the telemarketer (read: soulless bastard) is the worst thing you can do. Because that gives them more opportunity to make more successful calls. Instead it was suggested to keep them on the line as LONG as possible. In this way you can have a little fun, and it takes time away from them which they could be using to solicit more gullible people (read: naive bastards).

In the end I have always found to be most effective (until my next big purchase, that is, I swear these companies are the epitome of the mythological Hydra. Chop off one head and three replace it…so, where was I? Oh yes….). In the end I have always found to be most effective to simply tell them:

"Put Me On Your Do-Not-Call List"

For me, at least, this does work for several months. Definitely worth the peace and quiet.