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Wheat Chaff (a short story)

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Mankind is dying. Unless an answer can be found for this bipedal species, extinction is certain. Some would say (the Earth included) good riddance. But only some. The rest probably wouldn’t notice, or even have an opinion on the matter. Be that as it may, mankind is unwilling to relinquish their dictatorship on the world and because of this have found themselves on the brink, working feverishly at coming up with The Answer. For you see, extinction was not looming due to pollution (although there was plenty of har mful stuff laying about); not because of a meteor of mass-extinction proportions was barreling down on us (we should be so lucky) and certainly not because of alien overlords (because really if that were to actually happen we would end up like those ant farms you see. Every kid wants one, and when they get it they simply forget about it after a week and half. Some would argue we have already been taken over and forgotten by alien overlords....
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It's A Dogs Life

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People. They astonish me at every turn. Take for instance my neighbors who occupy a huge lot. In fact, here is a picture of their shit place: I mean, what is all that junk? Look at that shed! Those decrepit trailers. Click on the image for the full size (it's worth it). Anyway.... Last year they had 2 dogs, one a quiet mutt and the other, some kind of Terrier: I cannot stress how yappy this creature was. It would yap at you when you walked outside. It would yap at you when you came home from work. It would yap at passing cars, at passing trains, at passing Robins. It would yap at its own yap . My wonderful neighbors took it all in stride. They kept these 2 dogs in their outside dog cage ALL THE TIME. It yapped so much, I began forming an image of this beast in my mind. It looked something like this: Even the owners were annoyed at the barking. They would, in fact, yap at their own dog to SHUT UP! Their own voice drowning out the pup. Cut to neighbor's door closi...
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Steven Seagal: Melodrama-man (or the Show Where Nothing Happens)

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Airing on A&E, Steven Seagal: Lawman is a comedy of the highest form. Excuse me for a sec…(puts down pen) Are you sure? Okay sorry about that. It would seem that Lawman is NOT a comedy but a reality show. This ‘reality’ show (read: fake) follows Seagal and his work with the Jefferson Parish Sheriff’s Office in New Orleans. He’s been at it for about fifteen years now. The show is supposed to be COPS. COPS it ain’t. It actually comes across more like CHIPS. The show is simply unbelievable and yet riveting in its crappiness. Seagal runs around the show (and the viewer gets the impression from the other cops that Seagal’s deputization has worn out its welcome), trying to push the drama into something exciting. The action isn’t all that exciting to begin with, so the added push (read: desperate invention) makes this show the best feel-good comedy of the year. Here are just a few examples of his talent: 1) After being called to a house where some lowlife has apparently broke...
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