Parenting 101

Children learn by observation. They soak in everything they see and they begin life by mimicry. If my child becomes a tyrant, it is because I have been tyrannical. So what makes a good parent? One word: Nutrition. Here's a nice definition of the word:

Nutrition: the materials necessary (in the form of food) to support life. Many common health problems can be prevented or alleviated with a healthy diet.

Understand that WE ARE NOT TALKING ABOUT FOOD HERE. We are talking about emotional and mental development.

Lesson 1 - Patience.

Parents, in order to teach patience, one must not lose patience.

Lesson 13 - Apologies

Parents you are always telling your kids to apologize for their actions. In order to teach them to apologize you must FIRST give them an apology each time you wrong them. Come on, you know what I mean. When you say something hateful. Or you get frustrated and angry with them because they're moving too slow (and the problem isn't that they're moving to slow, the real problem is...well, read lesson 1 again).

Lesson 29 - Please

Kids who are impolite and do not say please and thank you have parents who are impolite and do not say please and thank you. Sure, these parents may be polite to other people, but do they every say please and thank you to their own kids?

Lesson 50 - Volume

Parents, when shopping at Wal-Mart and you tell your kids "Use your indoor voice" make sure that you are not using your Outdoor Voice to say it.

Lesson 82 - “I don't know what else to do.”

Basically this means my desire to make you feel the way my parents made me feel isn't changing the past like I had hoped. And now I have a new resentment. You. You didn't make me feel better about myself. Now I'm going to punish you for this too.

Lesson 91 - “It’s for your own good.”

Translation: Whatever it is I'm making you do (against your will) is not for your benefit, but for my own. If you listen to me (read as: obey unquestioningly), then I won't have to bother parenting. That is, until I find another defect that I will need to change “for your own good”. Additionally whatever the perceived “bad’ behavior that needs to be changed, is something they have learned from their own environment. I am going to fix in you what I don't like in myself. I feel better fixing you instead of me. It’s also easier to fix you than to fix me.

Lesson 100 - On the Phone

Ever wonder why kids bug you so much when you are on the phone? “Quiet, I'm on the phone! Go play!” It is because they are wondering why you are able to give your acquaintances so much undivided attention, and yet when it comes to them all you can do is nag. Your kids turn away wondering what is wrong with them. Wondering why you can't be nice to them like you are to their friends.

Lesson 135 - Television

We've heard these parents say it: "Television isn't good for their development. Television and Video Games are a bad influence." Translation: I don't want to watch what my kids watch. "If I have to sit through Barney singing one more time...". Parents, you are so worried about your kids seeing something awful on television that you coddle them and keep them away from anything that is 'bad'. This is what is really going on here: You don't feel comfortable TALKING about things with your kids. And you wonder why they never come to you with their problems?

Now let me make this clear: You kids are going into the REAL world. They will hear profanity. They will see nudity. They will see people doing drugs and getting drunk (preferably not in the home environment). IT IS BETTER TO LET THEM SEE OR HEAR THIS THROUGH THE TELEVISION where you can prepare their reactions to it. This OPENS the channel for communication. It is the parents who always shut down the lines of communication. This is your opportunity to TEACH consequences to actions. This way you won't have to worry about your child vacationing in a communist country and have the worry about them being caned for spray painting someone's car.


T.V. isn't the problem here. The problem here is that you won't sit and watch it with them.

Lesson 199 - Sharing

What's the best way to teach kids how to share? ("I know, I know" says the moron in the back row, "You have to show them to share". Wrong! Shut up and sit down!) The best way to teach kids to share is to ACCEPT everything they give you. That means wet fishy-crackers, their stuffed animals, even their money. HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU SAID THIS TO YOUR KIDS: "no thank you, but that's your toy. That's your money to keep. Or that's your supper"?

PARENTS! ACCEPT THEIR GIFTS! ALL OF THEM! The important question here is, what are you going to do when they ask for that stuffed animal back? By not accepting their offers, you are giving conflicting teachings – essentially “it’s always good to share because I tell you to, just don't practice it”.

50% of sharing is ACCEPTING!

Lesson 202 - The Over-Protective Parent

Creators of the Me Generation. When their kids don't get the job they're applying for, these are the parents who march back into the job site and demand to have their kids hired. These are the same parents who blame the school system for their kids getting in trouble (hey you gotta blame someone right? You can't look at yourself).

I'm am terribly sorry, but there is no solution here. This situation can't be fixed without a pogrom on both the parents and their kids for this type of parenting. Sorry.

Lesson 253 - "I'm Tired of Being the Bad Guy"

Have you heard yourself say this? There is a very easy, practical and successful solution to this problem: stop being the Bad Guy!

Lesson 300 - “I'm not perfect.”

Meaning: I am excused from all wrongdoing by the very nature of being human. This also excuses me from future wrongdoing. It also enables me to not look at my own actions and place all blame onto you.

Lesson 396 - The Great Parent Parents, if you think you are great parent you're wrong. Anyone who THINKS they are a good or great parent are in fact the WORST kind of parent. All you're doing is trying to prove to your kids, the world and more importantly to yourself that you are important. Every time you say how good you are is merely teaching your kids how self-absorbed you really are. And guess where children learn self-absorption from?

Lesson 402 - The Real World

"I don't want my kids to be spoiled little brats. Kids today act like their entitled to anything. They have no respect for anyone else."

Which is to say you have no respect for anyone else. So let's get this one straight shall we? You are deliberately strict with your kids, you are willingly harsh to them because you want to prepare them for the REAL world because you think they won't pick up on that in the REAL world? So, again just to be clear on this, you deliberately HOBBLE (see picture at top of blog) your children to prepare them for the harshness of the world? Instead of training them to defend themselves, to be strong and confident, you hobble them and then send them into the world? Does this actually work? Wouldn't it be just a little bit better if your kids felt like they had ONE safe haven to return to when the evils of the outside world become to difficult? Taking away their last sanctuary, this is a good idea to you?


The world is one big prison. So in order to teach you this I am going to cage you at home. Nice.

This isn't rocket-science here folks. So smarten up. It's time to change the game-plan.